Funny Argentine Store Names, Salta Edition

Move over, Home Depot. Ladies and gentlemen, I present your one-stop shop in Salta, Argentina for tools, electrical and plumbing supplies, appliances, and housewares.

Wait, I know what you're thinking…why's it called Gay Gas if it's actually a hardware store?

My best guess is that, in addition to their stunning array of picnic coolers, fans and hot water heaters, they probably provide compressed natural gas in cylinders for cooking and home heating in areas where public gas lines don't exist (a fairly common scenario in Argentina).

[Sorry, but if you need to hit up Gay Gas on a Sunday, you're out of luck.]

A big thanks to reader Jennifer Richardson, an American expat living in Salta in Northwest Argentina, for these photos!

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Foul Language in the Argentine Workplace

[Note: The following post contains foul language written in Spanish. If such things offend you, please visit this post with pretty pictures instead.]

Memo from an American Company to its Argentine Staff

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our office in Buenos Aires that offensive language is commonly used by our Spanish-speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and staff.

All personnel will immediately adhere to the following rules:

1. Words like "carajo," "la puta madre," "me da en el quinto forro" and other such expressions will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.

2. You will not say "la cagó" when someone makes a mistake, or "lo están cagando a pedos" if you see someone being reprimanded, or "qué cagada" when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb "cagar" are utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our environment.

3. No project manager, section head or administrator under any circumstances will be referred to as "hijo de mil putas," "mal parido," "es una mierda" or "es una bosta."

4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as "falta de huevos" nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to as "cagón de mierda," "pelotudo" or "boludo."

5. Unusual or creative ideas offered by management are not to be referred to as "pajas mentales" or "pendejadas."

6. Do not say "cómo hincha las pelotas" nor "qué ladilla de mierda" if a person is persistent; do not add "cagó fuego," if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say "cagamos" (refer to item #2) nor "nos rompieron el orto" when a matter becomes excessively complicated.

7. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "andate a la concha de tu hermana" nor should you ever substitute "May I help you?" with "¿Qué mierda querés?"

8. Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial partners "viejos chotos."

9. Do not say "me chupa un huevo" when a relevant project is presented to you, nor should you ever answer "sobame el nabo" when your assistance is required.

10.You should never call a partner "puto de mierda" or "vieja tortillera"; the sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as "viejo trolo," "la mira con cariño" or "mariquita."

11. Last but not least, after reading this note, please don't say "me la paso por las pelotas." Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.

Thank you.

[Source: Text extracted from the BANewcomers' mailing list. Author unknown. // Photo credit: miss mass]

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Gaucho Garb Drives the Chinas Wild

Just as the image of the ruggedly-handsome cowboy of the American West has inspired many a fantasy among women, Argentina's gauchos have been known to make more than one china (lady gaucho) swoon. Apart from dashing good looks and a fine steed, the gaucho's appeal lies in the details of the typical dress associated with these men of the pampa. Get the low-down on the essential elements of gaucho garb with this tongue-in-cheek guide to gaucho chic. Personally, I'm a sucker for a jaunty gaucho beret.

[Credit: Image text written by Amanda Barnes, Wine Republic, used with author's permission]

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Argentine Cold Remedies

This winter, Daniel and I have managed to evade the innumerable cold and flu bugs circulating at this time of year. However, the second time I ever visited Argentina, I arrived in August, toward the end of winter in the southern hemisphere, and luck just wasn't with me.

I came down with a doozy of a sinus infection. I felt as though I was drowning in a sea of my own goopy bodily fluids, with an accompanying feverish warmth and aching pressure in my cheeks heretofore unknown [at least to this individual]. I could barely manage to breathe, and for a few days, I was decidedly miserable. Rather than enjoying the sights and sounds of Argentina, I was huddled under three blankets with a woefully inadequate supply of scratchy one-ply tissues, feeling rather sorry for myself. Before I worked up the courage to face the inevitable, a visit to the doctor for the first time in a foreign country [a story for a different blog post], I decided to see if Daniel's family could recommend some over-the-counter miracle cure for what ailed me.

First, they ticked off a list of common Argentine home remedies for colds including: oregano tea for a cough; gargling with vinegar or baking soda mixed with water for a cough/sore throat; inhaling eucalyptus-infused steam for nasal congestion; and tea with lemon and honey for a sore throat.

However, the vote was clearly unanimous in favor of the liberal use of some mysterious substance referred to as "bee-bah-poh-roo" to alleviate my suffering. What? Viva Perú? I thought. I briefly pondered how swearing allegiance to this Andean nation could possibly cure my sinus infection, before moving on to more pressing matters. Somewhat wary of this Argentine wonder drug that I'd never heard of, I pressed Daniel's stepfather Tomás for more details.

"So this bee-bah-poh-roo...do I buy it at the pharmacy?" I asked.

"Sure, at the pharmacy, the supermarket….everyone uses it."

"Is it a lozenge, a pill that you take or what?"

"No, it's not a pill. Bee-bah-poh-roo...it's really helpful for colds. Just try it," Tomás said in an assuring manner. Clearly someone had either been brainwashed or was on the take from the makers of bee-bah-poh-roo.

"Right, but what is it, exactly?" I continued.

"It's an ointment that comes in a jar. You rub it on your chest or put a dab under your nose. It'll make you feel much better, I promise." There was a momentary silence as I attempted to piece together the description of this amazing and beloved cure-all.

And then, the realization hit me.

I began laughing hysterically, a throaty, phlegm-filled cackle of sorts. Surely Tomás thought I'd been caught up in some kind of feverish delirium, but no. It had finally dawned on me that the mysterious bee-bah-poh-roo was actually Vicks VapoRub, that mentholated cream favored by many to relieve the symptoms of a cold.

Sadly, this would not be the first or the last time I would be completely confounded by the inventive Spanish pronunciation of a random word or proper name in my own language.

It turns out that, in a way, the bee-bah-poh-roo did make me feel better, even if only for a few minutes. Laughter is truly the best medicine.

What's your favorite old-fashioned folk remedy for a cold?

[Photo credit: boo_licious]

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P.S. As I found out a few months back from friend Dan Perlman at SaltShaker, some people actually stick Vicks VapoRub up their noses or eat small spoonfuls of  it to treat nasal congestion or soothe a sore throat [the guilty parties shall remain nameless—but just to clarify, it's not Dan!]. Apparently, in certain Latino families, mothers make their kids eat a bit of Vicks when they're sick. I'll stick with a topical application, thanks!

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One More Funny Argentine Brand Name

Direct from Mar del Plata, I bring you yet another unfortunate but amusing Argentine brand name (that is, if you happen to speak English). Satisfy your snack food cravings with one of the many products brought to you by…

[A sponsorship banner at an outdoor soccer field in Mar del Plata, Argentina]

Holly Kraps offers a full line of snacks including salted peanuts, potato chips, shoestring potatoes, and crunchy coated peanuts.

Want more funny brand names from Argentina? Take a look at previous posts here, here and here, too!

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Funny Names of Cities in Argentina

If I take my mind out of Spanish mode while perusing a map of Argentina, the names of the following Argentine towns and cities manage to elicit a chuckle.

Coronel Pringles, Province of Buenos Aires
The city of Coronel Pringles, often referred to simply as Pringles, always conjures up images of the mustachioed mascot Julius Pringles of potato crisp fame. Lo and behold, Mr. Pringles even bears a bit of resemblance to the city's namesake, Juan Pascual Pringles, a distinguished colonel in the Argentine military. Coincidence? I think not.

How you really say it: [coh-roh-NEHL PREEN-glehs]

Glew, Province of Buenos Aires
The Glew town motto: "We're stuck on you."

How you really say it: [GLAY-oo]

Sauce, Province of Corrientes
I don't know if it's salsa criolla, chimichurri or salsa golf, but Corrientes province's got Sauce. In reality, the word "sauce" in Spanish means "willow tree."

How you really say it: [SOW-say]

Colón, Province of Entre Ríos
Colón: the city with the greatest number of gastroenterologists in all of Argentina.

How you really say it: [coh-LOHN]

Alejandro Korn, Province of Buenos Aires
Residents of this locality usually refer to their fair burg as Korn, calling to mind images of the hardcore American metal band of the same name. This small city outside of Buenos Aires was actually named after Argentine doctor, philosopher and politician Alejandro Korn.

How you really say it: [ah-lay-HAHN-droh KOHRN]

Morón, Province of Buenos Aires
I'm sure the fine people of Morón lack nothing in the intelligence department, but the name of their town, a suburb of the City of Buenos Aires, suggests otherwise.

How you really say it: [moh-ROHN]

Maipú, Province of Mendoza
Unlike the names of the other towns and cities, the joke here isn't apparent until you hear the word pronounced properly in Spanish. Curiously, Maipú is located some distance from the city of Colón.

How you really say it: [my-POO]

View Funny Names of Cities in Argentina in a larger map

Do you know of any other towns or cities with humorous names?

[Photo credits: Wikimedia Commons]

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Bureaucrazy

The Urban Dictionary defines "bureaucrazy" as "any process or organization that sacrifices intelligence and rational thought in favor of administrative red tape." If you've been following my posts about obtaining Argentine residency, by now, you've probably come to the conclusion that this country's bureaucracy indeed qualifies as a "bureaucrazy."

Anyone who's ever come face-to-face with uptight government paper-pushers will get a kick out of this hilarious video, but I think there's a whole new level of appreciation to be had if you've specifically dealt with trámites (government paperwork) here in Argentina. Incidentally, the video was filmed in Spain (it appears that Argentina comes by its horrendous bureaucracy honestly).

[Click here if you're unable to view the video.]

Thanks to my friend Beatrice Murch for sending this video my way.

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Yet Another Funny Argentine Brand

On my recent trip to Buenos Aires, I popped into a local drugstore chain to pick up a few items that aren't readily available here in Necochea. While I wasn't in the market for the following set of products (thank goodness!), I couldn't help but snicker at the name.

ASSY products – a full line of head lice removal treatments found here in Argentina – include shampoo/conditioner, mousse, various lotions and lice combs. Cooties are certainly no laughing matter, but this product's name sure is.

Want more funny brand names from Argentina? Take a look at previous posts here and here.

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You Might Be a Yanqui

While many Latin Americans refer to those of us from the United States as gringos, here in Argentina we're known as yanquis [pronounced shahn-kees]. Here are 15 telltale signs that may tip you off as a yanqui.

You Might Be a Yanqui if:

1) You smile at complete strangers as you walk down the street. [Oops, I learned the hard way on that one.]
2) You anticipate that public bathrooms will be stocked with toilet paper.
3) You look straight ahead (or even up) as you walk instead of with your eyes glued to the sidewalk to avoid dog poop or broken concrete.
4) You think all Argentines eat, sleep and breathe the tango.
5) You wear your seat belt at all times and generally observe the rules of the road. [Argentine drivers scare me!]
6) You arrive on time or [gasp!] early for an appointment, event or meeting.
7) You show up to eat dinner at a restaurant before 9pm or 10pm.
8) Your spice cabinet contains items hotter than black pepper.
9) You snicker at brand names such as Barfy, McPussy and Bimbo. [Yes, they really do exist.]
10) You expect napkins and other paper products to have some measure of absorbency and utilitarian value.
11) You think you can return items to a store for a refund.
12) You expect to be able to complete simple government paperwork or procedures in just one day. [Silly me!]
13) You extend your hand in greeting instead of proffering your cheek for a kiss.
14) For females: you use tampons. [Yep, I wrote about that.]
15) You expect to both pay for and receive your item in one single, efficient transaction when making a purchase.

Go on, add to the list. You might be a yanqui if…

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Rechristened

Yesterday I found myself back at the immigration office. Thankfully, I didn't have to resort to a desperate prayer to Mother Theresa like last time, but I did take part in an impromptu christening (or rechristening, as it were).

I was efficiently attended to by the immigration officer at the Prefectura Naval in Quequén, and then he directed me to the comptroller's office to fork over my contribution. There I was greeted by a spunky older gentleman, a real character that I remembered from my previous visit.

Argentines seem to have a terrible time with my name, and this man was no exception. In fact, I recall that he had commented on the strangeness of my name before, and it struck him just as odd the second time he encountered it as the first.

Surrounded by a sea of carbon copies and rubber stamps, he thumbed through my paperwork, all the while squinting and scratching his head. He wisecracked,"What's with this last name?! And, Kathryn? What kind of a name is that? You're killing me here." When he came upon my middle name, one that is eminently recognizable to a Spanish speaker, he uttered approvingly, "Virginia. Ok, now there's a proper name."

He looked up from his paperwork with a roguish grin spread across his face, and he said to me, "Look. This Kathryn nonsense – this is no good. From now on, we're going to call you…Chicha." And with an approving nod from his co-worker, that was that.

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The Argentine Food Pyramid

The Argentines value simplicity when it comes to food. Salt reigns supreme as the condiment of choice on grilled meat; potatoes rule in the land of the side dish, whether they be mashed, fried, or roasted; and, nothing says dessert to an argentino like a rich scoop of ice cream.

Unfortunately, the Argentines have taken the concept of simplicity a bit too far. The astonishing quantities of these foods that are consumed—almost to the exclusion of all else—have led me to believe that there is some sort of New Food Order at work here. Friends, I give you the Argentine Food Pyramid:

If you don't believe me, just check out this post entitled "Argentina on Two Steaks a Day" at the blog Idle Words. The post is a few years old now, but in my mind it's a classic, quite funny, and I do believe it firmly supports my version of the Argentine Food Pyramid.

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Another Funny Argentine Brand Name

Ladies, do you often find yourselves the targets of unwanted attention from sleazy members of the opposite sex? Well, look no further – the solution has arrived (well, at least in Argentina)! I present to you PERVINOX.  Banish obnoxious perverts with just one spritz. ;)

Although the name Pervinox is probably more fitting for a brand of pepper spray, the product is actually an antiseptic spray similar to Bactine. In fact, there's a whole family of "Pervi" products guaranteed to keep you germ-free including hand sanitizer, mouthwash, and liquid soap.

Click here for a previous post on some of the other strange brand names I've come across in Argentina.

[Photo credit: Laboratorios Phoenix]

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The Face on Your T-Shirt (aka Che Guevara)

Without a doubt one of the most controversial leaders to have emerged during the 20th century, Argentine-born Ernesto "Che" Guevara and his famed image are difficult to avoid here in Latin America (and on liberal college campuses throughout the U.S.). More than 40 years after his death, Che Guevara remains a deeply polarizing figure whose revolutionary ideals and actions inspire either admiration or hatred. Then, of course, there's the guy in Venice Beach, California who thinks Che was the inventor of the mojito.

Che is quite popular among college students who sport t-shirts with his image, more as a fashion statement than a political one. Others prefer spray painting Che's face to wearing it. And look, here's Che's ubiquitous mug reminding us to practice safe sex:

Che's bearded, beret-wearing visage is plastered or graffitied everywhere—and I do mean everywhere. But who the #@%^ is Che?

The quick and dirty answer according to Wikipedia is as follows:

"Ernesto 'Che' Guevara (June 14, 1928 – October 9, 1967) commonly known as Che Guevara, El Che, or simply Che, was an Argentine Marxist revolutionary, physician, author, guerrilla leader, military theorist, international statesman and major figure of the Cuban Revolution. Since his death, his stylized visage has become a ubiquitous countercultural symbol and global insignia within popular culture."

If you'd like to know more about Che Guevara, here are some interesting articles that I came across. The first selection presents a fairly unbiased overview of Che's life, while the other articles take a more definitive stance (either positive or negative) about his life and accomplishments.

American Experience>People & Events>Che Guevara (1928-1967) – PBS.org
"CIA Man Recounts Che Guevara's Death" – BBC News
"Che Guevara's Daughter Recalls Her Revolutionary Father" – The Guardian
"Time 100: Che Guevara" – Time Magazine
"This Endless Myth-Making About the Blood-Soaked Che Guevara Must Stop" – The Huffington Post

On a final note, yesterday morning I couldn't help but let out a chuckle when I opened my email and found this t-shirt featured in the weekly dispatch from my favorite tongue-in-cheek news source, The Onion.

I give you the description of the Che Wearing Che T-shirt T-shirt: "This scarcely seen iconic image dates back to 1958, shortly after revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara freed thousands from the restrictive yoke of T-shirt selection."

Now, I'm glad to see Che's involvement in the t-shirt industry being recognized, but please, whatever you do, don't forget about his crucial role in the birth of the mojito. ;)

[Photo credit: Carlos Adampol]

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Funny Argentine Brand Names

Please allow me to indulge in a bit of sophomoric humor. Here are a few interesting products and/or stores that I have come across in Argentina.

[Bimbo – bread and other baked goods]

[McPussy – sponges and other cleaning products]

[Barfy – preformed hamburger patties]

[Mr. Cock, a children's clothing shop in Bariloche, Argentina]

Have you come across any funny or strange brand names in your travels?

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I Swear I Didn't Smile This Time

I was completely minding my own business this afternoon while standing in line at the Dirección de Migraciones in Mar del Plata to renew my visa.  No eye contact, no smiles – nuthin'.  In fact, I probably had a rather dour look on my face, as I'd been waiting quite a long time.

The man standing next to me struck up a conversation, which admittedly seemed innocent enough.  There were no phone numbers involved or lame introductions unlike my encounter with "El Capitán."  He genuinely seemed as though he just wanted to make some small talk.

Following the normal line of questioning, he asked me where I am from.  We'll pick up the conversation there.

Me: I'm from Philadelphia.
Colombian guy: Ah…did you have to cross the Golden Gate Bridge to get here?
Me: No, that's in San Francisco on the opposite side of the country.
Colombian guy: Oh, right!  Did you know there are sharks in San Francisco Bay?
Me: No, I hadn't heard that before.
Colombian guy: Well, I spent some time in jail, so I had lots of time to read about places like that.
Me: Oh, I see.

Cue the crickets.

I mean, really, where do you go with the conversation after that!?

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April Fools’ Day in Argentina

"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year." – Mark Twain

Today, April 1st, marks exactly one month to the day that I landed in Argentina, and that, my friends, is no joke. I must admit, however, that the thought of publishing a phony blog entry did cross my mind…something to the effect of, "I've had it up to here with these mate-swilling, asado-eating, soccer-watching Argentines, and I'm coming home on the very next flight out of Buenos Aires," but I figured that would be a pretty transparent hoax. You're all smarter than that. Instead, I decided I would tell you all about how April Fools' Day is celebrated here in Argentina.

The only trouble is, it's not.

But that statement in and of itself is a tad misleading. As it turns out, there is a version of April Fools' Day celebrated in Latin America and Spain. Known as El Día de los Inocentes, the holiday is observed on December 28th rather than April 1st.

"Dia de los Santos Inocentes – Day of the Holy Innocents is a religious holiday named in honor of the young children who were slaughtered by order of King Herod around the time of Jesus' birth. These young victims were called Santos Inocentes or 'Holy Innocents' because they were too young and innocent to have committed any sins. Although the feast remains on the Catholic Liturgical calendar, today the religious aspect has been almost forgotten…" [1]

In the Middle Ages, people decided to lighten things up a bit. They took to commemorating this rather somber event through the use of humor and practical jokes, and it seems the tradition stuck. Silly pranks are the order of the day for El Día de los Inocentes, just as they are on April Fools' Day.

Newspapers and other news outlets have joined in on the fun by reporting bogus stories on El Día de los Inocentes. A few years ago, the Argentine newspaper Clarín published a front-page story with the headline "Incendio en la Rosada." ("Fire at the Casa Rosada" [La Casa Rosada or "The Pink House" is the Argentine equivalent of the White House]) [2]

It would appear that down here in Argentina I'm relatively safe from practical jokes, at least for the next nine months. However, for those of you in April-Fools'-celebrating territory looking for some inspiration or if you’re simply in need of a good chuckle, check out the The Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time. There are some pretty funny ones on the list. My personal favorite was #4: The Taco Liberty Bell.

So, tell me, have you ever pulled an April Fools' Day prank or worse yet, been the butt of one?

[Photo credit: Community Friend]
[Sources: [1] About.com: Spanish Food, [2] Diario Uno]

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Can You Do Better Than Cristina Kirchner?

This just in! You've been elected to the Argentine presidency - forget about Cristina! Here's a little tongue-in-cheek humor from my favorite satirical news website, The Onion.



Now start brushing up on that tango, will you?! Read More......